How should I talk with my kids about losses in our community? I try to shield them, but over the past year they have heard a lot of discussion as people continue to struggle with deaths that have occurred in our community.

Amanda Stein, LMSW-Clinical and Greg Boudreau

A Broken Heart is the Cost of Love, It’s Been Said

Holidays often bring joy through traditions and time with family and other loved ones. However, when you’ve lost a loved one the holidays may be painful and confusing. The meaningful dates and holidays can be especially painful in the first year or two after a loss due to suicide. Through our work with Kevin’s Song as co-facilitators the Survivors of Suicide Loss Support Group, common themes of loss, grief, and ways of coping have become clear.

There is no right, or wrong, way to grieve. If you and your family want to skip celebrating, light a candle by their picture, or throw an even bigger holiday celebration this year, then do what works for you.

Your choices do not need to make sense to anyone but you. Friends, coworkers, neighbors, and other family do not get an opinion on how you are grieving. How you choose to cope with grief and loss is your right.

Try to make healthy choices. Do what works for you but consider consciously trying to get as much sleep as is reasonable, eat more whole foods and fewer processed/packaged foods, limit alcohol and caffeine, and get outside each day. Healthier habits can ease the grief and give you strength while you are grieving.

Create your own tradition to remember your loved one. Some individuals and families create new traditions to honor their loved ones. Lighting a candle by their picture, buying a new ornament for a tree, or going around the table and sharing their favorite memory are just a few ways people have come up with to celebrate their loved one’s life.

Let them see you cry. Allowing our children and loved ones to see us express our grief and hurt, gives them permission to share their own feelings. By grieving and talking about our feelings, we are modeling healthy grief and vulnerability.

Most important is that you grieve your loved one, and celebrate the holiday, in ways that work for you. Whether you decide to try and celebrate as you always have or do something completely different, it just needs to work for you and your immediate household. There is no wrong way to grieve. There is no wrong way to honor your grief and loss.

By Amanda Stein LMSW-CLINICAL and Greg Boudreau, Kevin’s Song Survivors of Suicide Loss Support Group Facilitators. For more information, please visit: kevinssong.org.