The holidays bring joy, laughter and shared memories with friends and family. While cozy and warm, they can bring high levels of stress. The joy becomes lost. We may find ourselves frustrated and easily disappointed in others and in situations that don’t meet our expectations. Family members can be difficult to please, demanding, moody and critical.

According to Mel Robbins, in her book, The Let Them Theory, “You cannot control others or situations. You can on only control yourself and your own reactions to people and events.” She advises us to ACCEPT others as they are and shift our focus to “Let Me”, empowering our own peace. “Let Them” does not mean being passive or avoidant with others, it means being assertive and honest.

According to Mel, it requires that we:

• Set limits and define boundaries with others consistently and respectfully.
• Communicate expectations clearly and effectively.
• Resolve conflicts with others by validating their feelings, ideas or position while sharing our own. There can be two rights/ room for negotiating a peace.
• Walk away from hostile interactions/ decrease defensiveness.

When we shift our focus to our own peace, we empower ourselves and decrease drama; improving our own mental health and well-being. According to Nedra Tawwab, in her book, Drama Free, setting and maintaining boundaries with others is the key to healthy relationships. “People don’t come to therapy knowing they have boundary issues; it is disguised as issues of poor self-care, conflicts with others ongoing, poor time management, people pleasing or concern with how social media or the news impacts their emotional state.”

By uncovering boundary violations, we teach our clients to explore the discomfort and guilt that comes from asserting ourselves. When we ‘let them’ and choose ‘let me’, we decrease the drama in our lives. Give yourself the gift of experiencing the true joy of the holiday season.

Susie Rohde, LMSW is a clinical therapist at Lifestance in St. Clair Shores, working with individuals, couples, and families. Her work includes helping clients develop insights into their trauma patterns and emotional triggers, and exploring strategies to decrease their impact. Thus, a more fulfilling, peaceful life and rewarding relationships can happen!