Bright lights and decorations. Family gatherings. Celebratory meals. Festive parties. Gift-giving. Free time. The holiday season can be magical. For many people, though, including teens, the holidays can be just the opposite—a stressful time that sparks or exacerbates feelings of anxiety, sadness, loneliness, and depression.

Covering the house with pumpkins, stringing more holidays lights all over the lawn, and buying more gifts won’t ultimately support adolescents during the holiday season. What they need most from parents is understanding and support, including teen holiday stress-management skills to help reduce stress during this time of year.

Why the Holidays Can Be Hard for Teens

In an American Psychological Association survey, 38 percent of people said their stress increases during the holidays. And in a poll conducted on behalf of the American Psychiatric Association, Americans were five times more likely to say their stress increases during the holidays vs. decreases.

Teenagers don’t necessarily face the same issues as adults do at this time of year, but they aren’t immune to holiday stress. And that’s particularly true for those who suffer from or are at risk for mental health conditions. Teenage stress occurs around this time of year for multiple reasons, which is why holiday stress-management skills are essential.

Extended Time with Extended Family

The holidays bring family together from far and wide, and that can create stressful situations. Teens who struggle with anxiety may have difficulty relaxing around people they aren’t used to connecting with regularly. Even if they don’t wrestle with anxiety, having to field questions about how they’re doing in school, their goals for the future, and their romantic relationships can be taxing.

Family Drama

Most families spend more time together during the holidays. Increased togetherness, more people in the mix—and the pressure to be joyful—can cause the holidays to feel more like work than a vacation. And if family dynamics are challenging, too much stress is almost inevitable. Strained marital relationships can be more strained at holiday time. Certain relatives may not get along. And for teens who split their time between households because their parents have divorced, the stress can be even greater.

Changes in Routine

The winter break may seem like a welcome respite from responsibility for teens. But for some teens, including those with mental health conditions, changes in routine can induce stress rather than providing stress relief. During the holidays, teens’ regular schedule of classes, activities, mealtimes, and bedtime is upset. Overscheduling holiday events and parties can also make it difficult for teens to maintain a balanced routine and get enough sleep.

Difficult Relationship with Food and Eating

For teenagers with eating disorders or a difficult relationship with food and/or body image, the holidays can be especially stressful. A recent study showed that 22 percent of children and adolescents struggle with disordered eating behaviors. For these teens, being around large amounts of holiday food can become a high-anxiety event. The pressure to eat more than usual, combined with fielding comments about their weight or eating habits, can cause teens with eating-related issues to feel especially on edge.

Triggers Around Substance Use

The overindulgence that is synonymous with the holidays is not just related to food. Holiday celebrations can lead to excessive drinking for people of any age who struggle with substance use issues. Teens with a history of substance use disorder may experience cravings and the risk of relapse when faced with holiday-related stressors and increased availability of alcohol. Moreover, if their family support system is distracted and preoccupied by hosting or other holiday events, it’s easier for teens to sneak away to use alcohol or other substances to manage stress.

Grief

When teens are grieving the loss of a loved one (or perhaps grieving their parents’ divorce), the holidays can be triggering. Not having their loved one with them can bring on memories of all the holidays they shared together, intensifying the feelings of loss. And if they’ve experienced traumatic grief, which occurs in the wake of sudden and unexpected loss, the holidays can be especially painful—a powerful reminder of their loved one’s absence.

How Parents Can Support Teen Holiday Stress Management

Parents need to understand that the holidays may be more triggering than merry for their teen. If you’re concerned your child might be struggling with holiday stress, there are things you can do. Here are some ways to help teens manage their stress and avoid unhealthy coping strategies.

Talk About Triggers Before Gatherings

At the holidays especially, keep the lines of communication open. As celebrations and events approach, talk to your teen about potential stressors. Then make a game plan. Help them brainstorm ways to cope with challenging emotions. Ask how you can be helpful. Should you be considering whether to allow your child to have a holiday drink, though, don’t. Research has shown that adolescents whose early exposure to alcohol comes from home have higher odds of binge drinking, alcohol-related harm, and the symptoms of alcohol use disorder.

Allow Breaks for Alone Time if They Need It

Just like you might need a break from the family hoopla during the holidays, your teen might, too. So your teen doesn’t disappear from a festive gathering without warning, come up with a code word they can use to let you know they need a breather. When you hear the code word, respect it. Allow your teen some time to decompress in another room or outside. If you support their need for space as part of teen stress management, they’ll be more apt to return to family gatherings refreshed and able to engage.

Empower Them to Create Healthy Boundaries 

It’s important for parents to assist teens in setting healthy boundaries. There may be gatherings or parties they’d rather not attend. Teach them to be realistic when committing to social events. Remind them it’s okay to say, “No, thanks” if they feel overextended. As well, there may be relatives they can only take in small doses. In that case, help them come up with some polite phrases that allow them to slip out of extended conversations that leave them feeling stressed and agitated.

Support Them in Using Stress-Management Strategies

Teens will benefit from keeping up healthy habits to reduce stress. For example, physical activity is well-known to decrease stress and boost feel-good endorphins. Encourage your teen to take a brisk walk, hit the gym, or do some yoga and meditation to help the mind and body relax. When you practice mindfulness techniques and breathe deeply, the stress response (also known as the fight-or-flight response) recedes and the relaxation response activates. In addition, make sure your teen gets enough sleep and has time to connect with good friends, both of which will keep them calmer and more grounded.

Spend Positive Time Together

Some families create long to-do lists preparing for during the holidays, which tends to amplify stress. In order to shift into a more relaxed gear, do things as a family that are fun, meaningful, or both to bring about positive emotions. Set aside time to go ice-skating together, play charades, or watch a feel-good holiday movie. Alternatively, try volunteering at an animal shelter, a homeless shelter, or food pantry. Research shows that volunteering offers mental and physical health benefits. When your teen can focus on helping others, their own concerns take a back seat, lowering the stress response and enhancing well-being. When you engage in feel-good activities as a family, your teen will feel the positive impact even more.

Help Them Tap into the Power of Gratitude

The attitude of gratitude may not come naturally to your teen at first. But helping them look for, identify, and express the good in their lives may be more effective to relieve stress than you’d think. Research suggests that practicing gratitude is associated with greater happiness, fulfillment, and well-being. Have everyone in the family express gratitude at mealtime for one thing within the last week. Or ask your teen to make a list of three things they’re looking forward to each morning, and three things they appreciated about the day each evening. The practice of focusing on the good will help your teen see the good more and more.

Maintain Structure

For some teens, the lack of structure during the holiday season is a stressor in itself. Helping your teen follow a schedule can be an extremely helpful aspect of stress management. As much as possible, try to coax your teen to stay on the same sleeping and eating schedule. Beyond that, help them create a holiday plan that includes time for hobbies, exercise, friends, and household chores. Limiting screen time will also help teens manage their stress.

Decrease Your Own Stress

You can’t give what you don’t have. If you want your teen to feel more relaxed at holiday time, you have to manage stress responsibly, too. Don’t underestimate the extent to which you can intensify your teen’s stress by becoming irritable in your attempt to make the holidays picture-perfect. If you’re overtaxed, your teen will sense it. Make time for self-care and find healthy ways to reduce your own stress at holiday time so you can support your teen from a more balanced place.

Should My Teen Start Treatment During the Holidays?

Since you’re spending more time with your teen than usual, it’s a good opportunity to gauge their mood and overall well-being. Are they acting like themselves? According to the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI), approximately 64 percent of people with a diagnosed mental health condition find that the holidays make their symptoms worse.

Enrolling your teen in mental health treatment during the holidays can be a transformative experience for them and for the whole family. Greater family harmony, fortified relationships, and more respect and compassion between parents and children are a few of the many benefits of treatment.

Warning Signs of a Teen Mental Health Disorder 

It can be tricky to tell the difference between typical teen behavior and the red flags that may point to a mental health disorder. If you notice any of mental health warning signs above in your teen, take note. They might benefit from getting into treatment sooner than later.

Some of the signs that your teen is struggling with mental health problems include:

Trouble sleeping

Changes in eating habits

Major changes in appearance or hygiene

Self-isolation and withdrawal

Significant changes in mood, especially greater anxiety, irritability, or anger

Loss of interest in activities they typically enjoy

Self-medicating with drugs and alcohol

If you notice even one of these signs and your teen has not been diagnosed with or treated for a mental health condition, a check-in with a provider is the next step.

Newport Academy is a network of teen mental health and substance abuse treatment centers with the mission to provide teens and their families with the highest-quality care and treatment for trauma, mental health issues, eating disorders, and substance abuse. For more information visit: https://www.newportacademy.com/