One of the great unwritten man rules claims that “If I ignore IT, IT will go away.” It’s supported by the classics: Big boys don’t cry. Don’t let ’em see you sweat. Offer it up. Stuff it down and get back to work. And my personal favorite, courtesy of my mother: Ahh, just drink your blood.

But what exactly is an IT?

An IT is that twinge in your chest or that flutter in your gut. It’s the small tear that forms before you can blink it away. It’s the clenched jaw, the tight shoulders, the pounding headache. It’s the sudden sadness or emptiness that shows up at the exact moment you should be feeling joy. ITs are the internal alarms—physical, emotional, or both—that tell us something important is happening beneath the surface. And yet, we push them aside because they might slow us down or distract us from “The Important Things.”

So what are these “Important Things”?

Our image. Our ego. Our wins and promotions. The bonus at the end of the year. Staying the lead dog. Even the well-intended goal of “showing up” for our spouse and kids. We pour our energy into these pursuits, believing they matter most.

But here’s the truth: Focusing on the so-called Important Things while ignoring our ITs robs us of the ability to care for the REALLY Important Things.

And those REALLY Important Things are simple:

Our health—seeing a doctor, understanding our baseline, taking preventative care seriously.

Our relationships—marriage, friendships, children, and grandchildren.

Our inner world—naming the thoughts and feelings our ITs are signaling, understanding where they come from, and choosing how to respond.

Our sources of flow—the activities that ground us, energize us, and reconnect us to who we are.

Listening to our ITs doesn’t make us weak. It makes us wise. It makes us present. And, ultimately, it makes us more resilient, fulfilled, and human.

Barry Hull is a Grosse Pointe-based psychotherapist who works with adults who are experiencing significant life change and are motivated to do something about it. He helps individuals, couples, and business partners build a bridge from a clear understanding of where they are to a personally defined preferred way of living and/or performing.