Right now, countless students across the country are refreshing inboxes, bracing for college decisions, and holding their breath for the “yes” that feels like everything — or the “no” that feels like failure.  This stress of being good enough is reflected in the social media trend of posting exuberant college acceptance videos – and, perhaps in response, college rejection cakes.

This process is hard enough without the added stress of observing peers’ acceptance or rejection on social media and it’s easy to lose sight of the truth that this moment, this frenzy, is not everything. Students should not be defined by a test score, a ranking, or a rejection. The idea that most 18-year-olds have their life plan figured out — or that their entire future hinges on one application cycle — is unrealistic.  Our young people need to know this season is not the final verdict on their performance or worth.

Disappointment is understandable. But parents, educators, and well-meaning adults can help reinforce that these setbacks don’t define who they are. That their path is still unfolding and sometimes the unexpected detour or the “safety” school becomes exactly the place where you thrive.  There are many good fits for college bound students.

Cultivating a healthy definition of achievement, through the college application process and beyond, include:

• Reframing rejection: Rejection is not ruin. Healthy risk-taking, resilience, and personal growth often emerges from setbacks. Growth isn’t linear, and how one responds to disappointment can be a powerful opportunity. A growth mindset reinforces potential — competence is built through seeking out new experiences and challenges.
• Redefine success: Success doesn’t have to be limited to socially prescribed standards. Help your student reflect on the values and experiences that shape their version of success. Encourage them to think beyond performance outcomes. A broader view includes qualities like work ethic, persistence, curiosity, optimism, emotional resilience, engagement, and passion. Help them honor what feels inherently meaningful — what reflects theirvalues and purpose.
• Celebrate individuality: Emphasize the value of each student’s unique path. A “one-size-fits-all” approach to education can come at a cost. Every student brings something distinct to the table — that difference is a strength.
• Focus on fit over prestige: The college search should be about finding the “right fit,” not chasing rankings or reputations. A well-matched environment leads to greater satisfaction, retention, and long-term success.

The college admission process looks different for every student.  But all of our college bound students can benefit from hearing:  You are not behind. You are not less-than. You are just getting started.

The best is still ahead — and there are many meaningful paths to success, however you define it.

Mary Beth Garvey, LMSW, is a licensed social worker with more than 25 years of experience providing individual, group and family therapy in the private and public sectors. Check out her blog at https://www.marybethgarveytherapy.org/.